OH MY GOD!!

“Security is an illusion. Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing at all.” - Unknown

At the beginning of July, Nancy and Clive came for a visit. I think actually they were the first people to schedule their trip (around baseball of course) after my “I’m moving to Costa Rica” announcement. That seems like it was so long ago, yet the time has flown by so quickly. Thinking about returning to San Francisco in less than a month is breaking my heart.

Clive and Nancy arrived late on a Friday night, stayed in San Jose and drove up to Manuel Antonio on Saturday morning… getting pulled over for speeding by the cops along the way. The good (and bad) thing about being pulled over by cops in Costa Rica is that you can usually “buy” your way out of a ticket…which my brother did, for $40 (about 2 days of pay for the cop). The bad thing is that I don’t know how much the tickets actually are, so I am not convinced this is a deal. However, what I do know for sure is that my brother spoke in Italian to the police officer when he was pulled over. Turns out the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

When Clive and Nancy arrived in Manuel Antonio, we got them settled at my house, took a walk around the Las Palmas property, and then headed to the beach for a walk. The afternoon clouds were coming in, so it wasn’t a particularly beautiful day at the beach… though really, every day at the beach is beautiful…so that is not a complaint. On our way home from the beach we saw a sloth crawling in a tree and pulled over to the side of the road for a closer look. Nothing like a proper “welcome” to Costa Rica.

After getting home from the beach, we showered and headed out to dinner at…. brace yourselves… Kapi Kapi (which added .6 lbs to my thighs). After dinner, we came home for a good night of sleep before heading out to white water raft in the morning.

Not long after my arrival in Costa Rica, I sent out an email to everyone who was coming to visit, along with a list of local activities, asking people to “sign up” for things they wanted to do, as I wanted to make sure that
1. they were entertained – especially as I had to work during the weekdays
2. I wasn’t repeating activities 1,000 times

Of everyone this was sent to, I received 2 responses back. The first was a brief response from Doodle, highlighting a few things she wanted to do, but letting me know she was up for anything…typical laid back “Doodle fashion.” The second was a 4 page memo from Nancy, with a ranked, color coordinated list of all of the activities they were interested in doing, along with corresponding “pros” and “cons” columns for each activity… including follow up questions that required a response from me.

Ok, that is a slight exaggeration, but this woman is organized (which actually fits in great with my Type A personality… but Nancy puts me to shame).

In her response, she stressed that Clive was really interested in white water rafting… but only if it was Class 5 rapids.

As you will hear, if you spend more than 3.2 seconds with my brother, he has gone white water rafting in Zambia… which apparently is an amazing and life risking experience. While I like an adventure, I also like having the ability to move all of my limbs without the use of a mechanical device, so the idea of Class 5 rapids was a little intimidating to me. Luckily I was not alone, as Nancy was also feeling a little apprehensive.

In true Nancy fashion, her apprehensiveness lead to planning and research… where she found this:

Class III: Rapids with high irregular waves often capable of swamping an open canoe. Narrow passages that often require complex maneuvering. May require scouting from shore.

Class IV: Long, difficult rapids with constricted passages that often require precise maneuvering in very turbulent waters. Scouting from shore is often necessary, and conditions make rescue difficult. Generally not possible for open canoes. Boaters in covered canoes and kayaks should be able to Eskimo roll.

Class V: Extremely difficult, long, and very violent rapids with highly congested routes that nearly always must be scouted from shore. Rescue conditions are difficult and there is significant hazard to life in event of mishap. Ability to Eskimo roll is essential for kayaks and canoes.

Naranjo (the local rafting river): A wild river (Class III-IV) near Quepos that requires some rafting experience. Run from June to November.

After reading the line “there is significant hazard to life in event of mishap” Nanc and I pretty instantly ruled out searching for a Class V tour, and were seriously weighing the benefits of floating on a raft in the pool, while sending Clive out for his needed “man rush.”

However, I had previously met a guy, Arturo, during Lara’s visit, who told me that he was a white water rafting guide. I ran into his brother downtown one day (who we had met the same night) and asked which company his brother worked for… partly because I knew Clive wanted to raft, and partly because Arturo was kinda cute (though clearly a player). Not seeing the shirtless wonder again has resulted in me opening up the possibility of an outside search. Look, it is hard to be faithful to a person you have never gone out with… or for that matter had a conversation with…or seen in 4 months… or maybe never saw at all… they say the heat can do crazy things to your eyes. For all I know, the person I saw on the street that day could have been an 80 year old woman…which would then make it weird to call her the “shirtless wonder.”

I called Arturo and booked us on the tour (getting us a significant discount I might add) and we headed out Sunday morning. When we got to the starting point for the tour, I realized that we weren’t white water rafting, so much as brown water rafting…. this time of year that river is nothing but murky muddy water… which reminded me of the water under crocodile bridge… not very comforting. And no amount of reassurance from any of the guides convinced me that this water was croc free. All it takes is one.

In preparation for our journey, the guides began to equip us with the necessary safety devices (life jacket/helmet etc.). Though as I am pretty sure a croc can bite through a life jacket, and is strong enough to pull me under even with the life jacket on, I am not really sure how much better these safety devices made me feel. However, as we began to “suit up,” I noticed that (read: had been waiting for) Arturo had taken his shirt off. I had thought he was cute before…but OH MY GOD!!!

I subtly tried to get Nancy’s attention (we all know how good I am at subtle) at which point in time it took every ounce of our self control to not shamelessly stare at his beautiful body. We also tried to figure out sly ways to take his picture, without looking like crazy pathetic girls trying to take his picture…which is clearly exactly what we were.

Look people, don’t judge… it has been a long time… and I mean a long time… and while I don’t know how long it has been for Nancy, what I do know is that while I love my brother, there is a big difference between Arturo with his shirt off… and Clive with his shirt off.

As Nancy and I were casually wiping the drool off the side of our mouths, we came to the consensus that Arturo should never wear a shirt again.

Ever.

No, I mean it, ever.

After we “suited up” in our equipment, we were asked to walk over next to the rafts for our preliminary instructions. Our instructions were given to us by a kind Argentinean man who kept saying “yeah?” after ever 3rd word… but who basically told us:

1. don’t fall out of the boat
2. if you do fall out of the boat.. don’t panic
3. when you are in the water, lift your knees up towards your chest.. and watch out for rocks…but don’t panic
4. don’t let go of your paddle, it might end up being your life line…but if you do, don’t panic
5. if you get stuck under the boat “feel” your way to the side… and don’t panic
6. listen to the guides no matter what, they are the experts and will tell you the right things to do… and don’t panic

All of the talk about “not panicking” made me start to panic. Especially because during the entire time he was giving the instructions, all I could think was “Um, where are my instructions for fighting off the crocodiles that are surely in this water waiting to eat me?” Well, that is almost true… the thought of crocodiles eating me was certainly at the forefront of my mind, but that thought was often interrupted by my pondering how to remain calm enough during the rafting experience to flirt with Arturo. Though frankly, we all know that is not possible…as I don’t talk to boys I think are cute… unless of course I have had a few drinks.

As the instructions continued, I started to feel pretty nervous. I don’t like to be in water where I can’t see the bottom, or at the very least, my feet… and as muddy as this water was, the visibility was zero. And while I have never been white water rafting before, after my zip line experience, I was starting to think that maybe I am just not an adventure girl, and was convinced that “no me gusta” was going to come out of my mouth numerous times that day.

Here is a picture of the Argentinean giving us the “no panic” instructions.

After the “don’t panic” instructions were complete, I asked where the “safest” (I use that term generously) place in the boat was, and when they said up front…I immediately volunteered to be “front row joe.” While I am pretty certain they were lying to me about the front being the safest location, what I figured is that if I was the furthest person away from the guide… and did in fact fall into the crocodile infested water, being in the front would be the best location as the guide would have a second to react and then grab me out of the water before the boat floated by me. And by “grab me out of the water”… I mean that Arturo would dive into the water, hold me in his arms against his bare chest (he is clearly so strong he doesn’t need a life jacket) and ward off the crocodiles.

In addition to choosing seat location, we also had to decide upon which boat we were going to ride in. There were 2 boats to choose from… one larger and one smaller. The guides claimed that I was less likely to fall out of the larger boat…but Arturo was the guide in the smaller boat. What is a girl to do?

Here comes the “I’d rather” game:

Would I rather, my first time white water rafting, ride in the smaller more dangerous boat… when I was already nervous about the situation in the first place… but could then be close to the hot guide…

Or, ride in the larger, safer boat…thus restricting my ability to demonstrate my wittiness and charm to said hot guide, while paddling down the river..

While this decision was more difficult than most…I pretty quickly realized that falling in the water, crying hysterically and panicking was not going to be the “wittiness and charm” I wanted to demonstrate… so it was a better option to play it safe, ride in the larger boat, and hope that I run into Arturo another day at happy hour (though in addition to thinking he is a player, I also think he might have a girlfriend… thus even more negating the reasons for me to risk my life in the smaller boat).

Nancy, I think, was replaying the color coded pros and cons list of this activity in her head, and decided, like me, to play it safe. Clive on the other hand, chose the smaller boat, as clearly the small rapids of the Naranjo River are nothing like the dangerous waters in Zambia.

Here is a photo of Clive’s boat heading out…kinda blurry I know… must have been because I was shaking in my boots.

After Arturo’s boat departed, the rest of us got into the larger boat, where “Rambo” gave us additional instructions:

1. when I say “paddle forward,” paddle forward
2. when I say “paddle backwards,” paddle backwards
3. when I say “OH MY GOD!” drop down and sit on the floor of the boat until I tell you to get up

See, you thought I titled the blog “OH MY GOD!!” because of how good Arturo looks without a shirt… but that wasn’t the reason…though clearly it could have been.

Our raft took off, and I was listening closely for the “OH MY GOD” command, which came shortly into the ride. I dropped down to the floor, the rapids crashed over us and I got some water up my nose and in my mouth (mostly because I was laughing). When I popped back up into my “assigned seat” I realized that my bathing suit was totally up my ass and that I was going to spend a considerable amount of time on this tour with a wedgie. Thank goodness I chose not to ride in Arturo’s boat…in addition to the increased possibility of being eaten by crocodiles, there was clearly a significant chance he would have seen my ass for a considerable length of time on the tour… which frankly, is the last thing I want anyone to see.

There were many more "OH MY GOD" moments, but as the rafting continued, and I was more comfortable with the whole process, instead of grasping onto the side of the boat during the “no paddle” times (this time of year there isn’t much paddling required as the current pretty much carries you down the river) I began to watch the raft in front of us. Arturo’s raft… and I wasn’t really watching the raft, so much as Arturo. Each time Arturo paddled, you could see the muscles flex in his back, shoulders and arms. And what a sight it was. Clearly choosing the larger raft was the best decision.

At one point, I turned around to Nancy (who was sitting directly behind me) and said “Would you look at Arturo’s arms?” at which time she said “That is all I have been doing the whole time.” Come to think of it, the only time I was actually close to falling out of the raft, was when I was considering diving into the water to swim over to Arturo’s boat. Crocs or no crocs…those arms are worth swimming for.

Overall we had a great time rafting, though I didn’t take any more pictures along the way, partly because the water kept us moving pretty quickly and partly because I was too busy starting at Arturo’s muscles…but we did get some good shots at the end. And by good, I mean completely gratuitous shots of Arturo with his shirt off. As I am a kind, generous person who likes to give back, I have decided to post some of them here.

You’re welcome.

Picture of Clive and Nancy after the rafting was complete. While it may appear that she is looking at the camera, I am pretty sure she wasn't as Arturo was standing behind me.

Arturo is the guy in the green hat... would you please just look at those arms? Now imagine him paddling.
Arturo is in the middle, you can see his back and shoulders in this picture. Yum.

Do you remember that game from Sesame Street "One of These Things Is Not Like the Other?" Like I said, I love my brother...but come on already, would you look at Arturo?


Here we are...and while my hair may be muddy and plastered to my head...... here he stands in all of his glory. Marvelous 6-pack glory.

In conclusion:
rafting = fun
Arturo with his shirt off = OH MY GOD!!